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Different purpose ranking in each region

Different purpose ranking in each region L9woK
The bar charts compare the differences in three purposes of using water in six regions. It can be clearly seen that there are noticeable discrepancies in the proportions of each objectives utilizing water in each area. According to the graph, agricultural use is the largest number of water consumption in Central Asia, Africa, Southeast Asia, and South America at 88%, 84%, 81%, and 71% respectively. Moreover, the highest figure for domestic purpose is 19% in South America, followed by Africa consuming less than the former location by 10%. Significantly, the water is consumed for this objective at the same proportion, 7%, in both areas in Asia. In addition, only Southeast Asia utilizes this resource for industrial use over one-fifth, compared to the three regions mentioned above. In contrast, the percentages of the three purposes in North America and Europe are the same pattern of ranking order. The majority of water utilization, approximately half, is for industrial benefits. Also, both locations use water for their agricultures over 30% and the rest is for domestic purpose.
The bar charts compare the differences in three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
of using
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water
in six regions.

It can be
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that there are noticeable discrepancies in the proportions of each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "objective"?
objectives
utilizing
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water
in each area.

According to the graph, agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
is the largest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumption in Central Asia, Africa, Southeast Asia, and South America at 88%, 84%, 81%, and 71%
respectively
.
Moreover
, the highest figure for domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
is 19% in South America, followed by Africa consuming less than the former location by 10%.
Significantly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is consumed
for this objective at the same proportion, 7%, in both areas in Asia.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Southeast Asia utilizes this resource for industrial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
over one-fifth, compared to the three regions mentioned above.

In contrast
, the percentages of the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
in North America and Europe are the same pattern of ranking order. The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
utilization, approximately half, is for industrial benefits.
Also
, both locations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
agricultures
over 30% and the rest is for domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
.
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IELTS academic Different purpose ranking in each region

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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