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the percentage of women going into higher education

the percentage of women going into higher education EdN7R
The char elaborate the girls who started the higher education in UK, USA, South Korea and France in 1980 and 2015. According to the chart Australia has equal percentage in both years that is a unique fact consider to other countries. Also South Korea shows the least number of percentage that girls going to higher education. But South Korea gained a growth around 15% in 2015 reaching to 30% from 15%. However UK and USA also indicate considerable growth of joing to higher education around 20% than 1980 while France gaining a less amount of growth. In 2015 USA, Australia have same percentage but UK has nearly 1% or 2% lack. In conclusion, asian county is in low percentage of women’s going to higher study comparing to the other regions.
The char elaborate the girls who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
the higher education in UK, USA, South Korea and France in 1980 and 2015.

According to the chart Australia has equal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in both years
that is
a unique fact consider to other countries.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
South Korea
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the least number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
that girls going to higher education.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
South Korea gained a growth around 15% in 2015 reaching to 30% from 15%.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
UK and USA
also
indicate considerable growth of
Possible spelling mistake found.
joing
to higher education around 20% than 1980 while France gaining a less amount of growth.

In 2015 USA, Australia have same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
UK has
nearly
1% or 2% lack.
In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
asian
county is in low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of women’s going to higher study comparing to the other regions.
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IELTS academic the percentage of women going into higher education

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
130 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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