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diagram shows the amount of graduated university students in Canada

diagram shows the amount of graduated university students in Canada qagOd
The given diagram shows the amount of graduated university students in Canada between 1992 and 2007. There are two colors represented for females and males from 1992 to 2007 in the graph. Firstly, the number of graduated females, 100, 000 students, had been leading since 1992 and it was almost a twice of graduated males, 70, 000 students, in 1992. The rate of graduated females has been just about 100, 000 in 1992 and there was a slight increase around 105, 000 numbers until 1995. In the same period, both females and males increased and decreased in their levels respectively. After 1998, there was a moderate rise for graduated males rate up to 95, 000 numbers and a rocket climb in the number of graduates for females until around 148, 000 numbers in 2006. Over a period, the difference between females and males graduated rate was over 1. 5 times in the graph. In conclusion, although both the amount of university graduates for females and males have been upward trends until 2006, there was a small decline in 1998 in obvious.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram
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shows
the amount of
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduated from".
graduated
university students in Canada between 1992 and 2007. There are two colors represented for
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females
and
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males
from 1992 to 2007 in the graph.

Firstly
, the
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number
of graduated
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females
, 100, 000 students, had been leading since 1992 and it was almost a twice of graduated
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males
, 70, 000 students, in 1992. The rate of graduated
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females
has been
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just
about 100, 000 in 1992 and there was a slight increase around 105, 000
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numbers
until 1995. In the same period, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
increased and decreased in their levels
respectively
. After 1998, there was a moderate rise for graduated
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males
rate up to 95, 000
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numbers
and a rocket climb in the
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number
of graduates for
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females
until around 148, 000
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numbers
in 2006. Over a period, the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
graduated rate was over 1. 5 times in the graph.

In conclusion
, although both the amount of university graduates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
have been upward trends until 2006, there was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decline in 1998 in obvious.

IELTS academic diagram shows the amount of graduated university students in Canada

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
181 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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