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highest level of education of women in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995.

highest level of education of women in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995. B79R6
The considerable pie charts give information of highest level of education of women in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995. Regarding to pie charts we observe that in 1945, 35 % of women had no schooling education, the same percentage can be seen concerning to third grade education. Therefore, 10% of women graduated 9 year education in 1945.   It should be underlined that 4 % of women in 1945 and 1995 graduated the 12 years education respectably. All in all, pie charts show the positive trend of changes in level of education of women in Kazakhstan half century later. A mere fraction of women took a First degree in 1945 for about 1 % only, whereas  in 1995 we see the significant growth of women graduated a First degree. In conclusion, we can admit a sharp contrast in a situation of highest level of women education in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995. The necessity of women education in Kazakhstan nowadays is one of the priority of the government in our Republic.
The considerable pie charts give information of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995.

The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
pie charts we observe that in 1945, 35 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had no schooling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, the same percentage can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
concerning to third grade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Therefore
, 10% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
graduated 9 year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in 1945.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
It should
be underlined
that 4 % of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in 1945 and 1995 graduated the 12 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
respectably
. All in all, pie charts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in Kazakhstan half century later. A mere fraction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
took a
First
degree in 1945 for about 1 %
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, whereas
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
in 1995 we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the significant growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
graduated a
First
degree.

In conclusion
, we can admit a sharp contrast in a situation of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995. The necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in Kazakhstan nowadays is one of the priority of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in our Republic.
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IELTS academic highest level of education of women in Kazakhstan in the period from 1945 to 1995.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
177 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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