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diagram below shows manufacturing

diagram below shows manufacturing 0wwr1
The given diagram illustrates the process of producing sugar from sugar cane Overall, there are 7 steps to make sugar from sugar cane. First of all, sugar cane is grown in the agricultural field it takes twelve to eighteen months for the growth of sugar cane. Secondly, the grown sugar cane is harvested. there two methods to harvest the sugar cane by using agricultural machines (i. e. tractor, troly. ) and by using labor. If we compare both the procedures, the agricultural one is more efficient. It is a fast process and we can harvest a lot more area in less time as compared to the process in which we use labor. Next, sugar cane is squeezed by putting it in a machine and juice is collected. Afterwards, the collected juice is purified using a filter mostly limestone filter is used. Later the juice is poured in a huge container and heated until it becomes syrup. Subsequently, centrifugal process is used to separate sugar crystals from syrup. finally, in the last process separated sugar minerals are dried and cooled. in this way sugar is produced from sugar cane.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagram illustrates the
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process
of producing
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sugar
from
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sugar
cane

Overall
, there are 7 steps to
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make
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sugar
from
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
is grown
in the agricultural field it takes twelve to eighteen months for the growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
.
Secondly
, the grown
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
is harvested
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
there
two methods to harvest the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
by using agricultural machines (
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
i. e.
tractor,
Possible spelling mistake found.
troly
.
Loose punctuation mark.
)
and by using labor. If we compare both the procedures, the agricultural one is more efficient. It is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
process and
we can harvest a lot more area in less time as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
process
in which we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
labor.
Next
,
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sugar
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cane
is squeezed
by putting it in a machine and juice
is collected
. Afterwards, the collected juice
is purified
using a filter
mostly
limestone filter is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
. Later the juice
is poured
in a huge container and heated until it becomes syrup.
Subsequently
, centrifugal
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process
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to separate
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sugar
crystals from syrup.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
finally
, in the last
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process
separated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
minerals
are dried
and cooled.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
is produced
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
.
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IELTS academic diagram below shows manufacturing

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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