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Developing medical treatments and medications is expensive. Some people think that it is better to spend the money on health-oriented preventive education. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Developing medical treatments and medications is expensive. Some people think that it is better to spend the money on health-oriented preventive education. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? EwAWB
Desicions between medical treatment and medications about our health has long been a hot topic discussed between scrutinies. Some believe that it is better for people to have some prevention by taking oreiented educaion whereas others consider it no use. One primary reson for people to spend money on health-oriented preventive education is that they may not have enough money. Some people might suffer with pain and sickness whereas they are in a lack of fortune which make it difficult for them to pay for development on medical treatments or medications. Health-oriented preventive education content a variety of knoweledges about health. It is my belief that taking those education might successfully decrease the amount of peoeple getting a disease. Take Taiwan as an example, after the Japanese concquered, they taught the Taiwanese about health and sanitary, which notably declined the mrtality caused by diseases.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Desicions
between medical treatment and medications about our health has long been a hot topic discussed between scrutinies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that it is better for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prevention by taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
oreiented
Possible spelling mistake found.
educaion
whereas others consider it no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. One primary
Possible spelling mistake found.
reson
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to spend money on health-oriented preventive education is that they may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might suffer with pain and sickness whereas they are in a lack of fortune which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it difficult for them to pay for development on medical treatments or medications. Health-oriented preventive education content a variety of
Possible spelling mistake found.
knoweledges
about health. It is my belief that taking
Did you mean "this education" or "those educations"?
those education
might
successfully
decrease the amount of
Possible spelling mistake found.
peoeple
getting a disease. Take Taiwan as an example, after the Japanese
Possible spelling mistake found.
concquered
, they taught the Taiwanese about health and sanitary, which
notably
declined the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mrtality
caused by diseases.

IELTS academic Developing medical treatments and medications is expensive. Some people think that it is better to spend the money on health-oriented preventive education. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
144 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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