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The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010

The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010 wON3e
The given line graph compares and contrasts data on the changes in the proportion of visitors to Scotlend who travelled to different destinations in Edinburgh, namely aquarium, castle, festival and zoo. An overview of the line graph reveals that the percentage of tourists visiting castle was the highest. The figures for aquarium and festival witnessed downward trends over the period surveyed while the reverse was true for castle and zoo. The percentage of tourists visiting zoo was 10 % in 1980, which was lower than that of castle, at 24 % at the same time. Then, the figure for zoo destination fluctuated mildly until 2000. Subsequently, there was a moderately rise to 20 % in 2010 in this figure. Similarly, there are a significant increase to approximately 45 % in 1995 in the proportion of travellers to castle. After that, this figure decrease maredly to above 30 % in the last year. On the other hand, in 1980, the proportion of tourists travelling to aquarium was 20 %, which was less than that of tourists visiting festival. Afterwards, the figure for aquarium attraction grew noticeably to 35 % in 1980 and dropped to 20 % in 1990. During the remaining period, this figure experienced a significant decline to about 8 %. Comparably, the figure for festival undervent a slight fall from 30 % to 26 % over the whole period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
line graph compares and contrasts data on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the proportion of visitors to
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Scotlend
who travelled to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
destinations in Edinburgh,
namely
aquarium, castle,
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festival
and zoo.

An overview of the line graph reveals that the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting castle was the highest. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
for aquarium and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
witnessed downward trends over the period surveyed while the reverse was true for castle and zoo.

The percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting zoo was 10 % in 1980, which was lower than that of castle, at 24 % at the same time. Then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for zoo destination fluctuated
mildly
until 2000.
Subsequently
, there was a
You used an adverb ('moderately') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('rise') instead of another adjective.
moderately rise
to 20 % in 2010 in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
.
Similarly
, there are a significant increase to approximately 45 % in 1995 in the proportion of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
to castle. After that, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
decrease
Possible spelling mistake found.
maredly
to above 30 % in the
‘last year’ indicates a finished event of the past. Please check the predicate's tense.
last year
.

On the other hand
, in 1980, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
travelling to aquarium was 20 %, which was less than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
visiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
. Afterwards, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for aquarium attraction grew
noticeably
to 35 % in 1980 and dropped to 20 % in 1990. During the remaining period, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
experienced a significant decline to about 8 %.
Comparably
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
Possible spelling mistake found.
undervent
a slight fall from 30 % to 26 % over the whole period.

IELTS academic The line graph illustrates the proportion of visitors to Scotland who visited four different attractions in Edinburgh between 1980 and 2010

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
230 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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