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Average cinema visits by age groups

Average cinema visits by age groups BwE3d
The given line graph highlights the number of visiting people the cinema over 8 years perid between 1994 and 2002Overall what stands out from the line graph is that the number of visit cinema in 1996 by young people was the highest, while the number of visiting cinema by 50 years old people saw substantial fall between 1998 and 2000 As regards line graph, between 1994 and 1996 in all age groups was significant rises in 14-24 years old to 13, in 25-34 years old to 12, in 35-49 and 50 years old to 11. However the number of visiting the cinema between 1996-1998 year saw a massive reduce in young people and in middle age people by 5, but in 35 and more years old people by 6Concerning between 1998 and 2000, in people age 14-24 and 35-49, There was slightly rise by 2 visit cinema. In people aged 25-34 and 50 immutability was observed. As for between 2000 and 2002 year, in all age groups expect young people was slightly increase by 1, whereas in young people was immutability
The
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given
line graph highlights the
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number
of visiting
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people
the
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cinema
over 8 years
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perid
between 1994 and 2002Overall what stands out from the line graph is that the
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number
of visit
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cinema
in 1996 by
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young
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people
was the highest, while the
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number
of visiting
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cinema
by 50 years
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old
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
substantial fall between 1998 and 2000

As regards line graph, between 1994 and 1996 in all
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age
groups was significant rises in 14-24 years
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old
to 13, in 25-34 years
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old
to 12, in 35-49 and 50 years
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old
to 11.
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However
the
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number
of visiting the
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cinema
between 1996-1998
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year
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saw
a massive
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reduce
in
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young
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people
and in middle
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age
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people
by 5,
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but
in 35 and more years
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old
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people
by 6Concerning between 1998 and 2000, in
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people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
14-24 and 35-49, There was
slightly
rise by 2 visit
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cinema
. In
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people
aged 25-34 and 50 immutability
was observed
. As for between 2000 and 2002
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year
, in all
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age
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
slightly
increase by 1, whereas in
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young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
immutability

IELTS academic Average cinema visits by age groups

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
180 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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