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Describing the chart of water usage in 4 countries

Describing the chart of water usage in 4 countries NVxBN
Given is a map illustrating the consumption of water in 4 countries based on 3 fields in 2000. The most striking feature is that the most water is utilized in the agricultural field and about approximately fifth of the chart is dedicated to domestic field, which made it be place in the 3rd rank. A thorough observation indicates that residents of China had consumed nearly seventy percent in agriculture. In India most of the water usage used in domestic and in Canada about three-fifth percent of water consumed in industry. Consequently, India had the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
is a map illustrating the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
in 4 countries based on 3 fields in 2000. The most striking feature is that the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
is utilized
in the agricultural field and about approximately fifth of the chart
is dedicated
to domestic field, which made it be place in the 3rd rank. A thorough observation indicates that residents of China had consumed
nearly
seventy percent in agriculture. In India most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
usage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in domestic and in Canada about three-fifth percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
water
consumed in industry.
Consequently
, India had the
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IELTS academic Describing the chart of water usage in 4 countries

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
93 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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