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describe the staff training propotion by four company

describe the staff training propotion by four company 7Pobn
The line graph compares the percentages of staff instructed by four different companies between 2003 and 2006, a period of 3 years. In overall, the number of staff trained by companies A, B and C fluctuated steadily over the period, whereas the amount gained by company D increased considerablely. At the start of the period, the most outstanding representative in terms of training employees was company B, about 28 %. This was a little higher than company D, which was began at around 20% then significantly fell to about 17% in 2004 before seeing a doubling in 2006. Besides, the staff figure of company C significantly climbed from 25% in 2003 to 36% in 2004, reached the top of the whole season. During this time, 2 companies A and B remained stable with a data difference of about 1% to 3%. From 2004 to 2005, both 3 companies A, B and C saw a small decline whilst company D rose sharply, about 15%. In the last year of the season, all these companies gave a gradual rise in terms of training employees. Overall, the graph highlights a considerable difference between the fluctuation of 3 companies A, B and C but increase in company D' instructed employees
The line graph compares the percentages of staff instructed by four
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different
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companies
between 2003 and 2006, a period of 3 years. In
overall
, the number of staff trained by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
A, B and C fluctuated
steadily
over the period, whereas the amount gained by
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company
D increased
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considerablely
. At the
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start
of the period, the most outstanding representative in terms of training employees was
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company
B, about 28 %. This was a
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little
higher than
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company
D, which was
Consider using a past participle here: "begun".
began
at around 20% then
significantly
fell to about 17% in 2004
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before
seeing a doubling in 2006.
Besides
, the staff figure of
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company
C
significantly
climbed from 25% in 2003 to 36% in 2004, reached the top of the whole season. During this time, 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
A and B remained stable with a data difference of about 1% to 3%. From 2004 to 2005, both 3
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companies
A, B and C
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
decline whilst
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company
D rose
sharply
, about 15%. In the last year of the season, all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
gave a gradual rise in terms of training employees.
Overall
, the graph highlights a considerable difference between the fluctuation of 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
A, B and C
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
increase in
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company
D' instructed employees
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IELTS academic describe the staff training propotion by four company

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
205 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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