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commorcial processing of frozen fish pie

commorcial processing of frozen fish pie VyXVD
The given diagrams show the ingredients of a fish pie and the commercial production of frozen fish pies. Overall, it is clear in the diagram that the main ingredients are peas, sauce, fresh salmon and potatoes. The manufacture of fresh salmon has ten stages. And another ingredient, potato, goes through its own six-stage preparation processes before it is added to the pie. In the first step, the potatoes are transported to the factory up to a month in advance. Before potatoes are cooked, they must be cleaned, peeled and sliced. These potato slices go through boiling and chilling stage before storing. Turning to the salmon preparation, lemon juice and salt added when fresh salmon arrives at the factory. And the fish is cooked in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. The next step is to remove skin and bones. This is followed by an exhaustive visual inspection. Following inspection, prepared peas, sauce and potatoes are added. The pies are manually packaged and frozen before storage or shipment.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
diagrams
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the ingredients of a fish pie and the commercial production of frozen fish pies.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
in the diagram that the main ingredients are peas, sauce, fresh salmon and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
. The manufacture of fresh salmon has ten stages. And another ingredient,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potato
, goes through its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
six-stage preparation processes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to the pie.

In the
first
step, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are transported
to the factory up to a month in advance.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are cooked
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be cleaned
, peeled and sliced. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potato
slices go through boiling and chilling stage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
storing.

Turning to the salmon preparation, lemon juice and salt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
when fresh salmon arrives at the factory. And the fish
is cooked
in a steam oven within 12 hours of delivery. The
next
step is to remove skin and bones. This
is followed
by an exhaustive visual inspection. Following inspection, prepared peas, sauce and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
potatoes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
. The pies are
manually
packaged and frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
storage or shipment.
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IELTS academic commorcial processing of frozen fish pie

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
169 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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