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Describe the line chart about activities in the free time of the UK teenagers

Describe the line chart about activities in the free time of the UK teenagers PrgyJ
The chart below illustrates the activities that the UK teenagers did in the free time between 1980 to 2010 A glance of this line chart reveals that the UK teenagers had three common activities such as: outdoor sports; watching TV and computer games. The number of hours that UK teenagers did three activities tended to oscillate in this period Watching TV increased significantly from 0, 5 hour to 2 hours each day between 1980 to 2010, after which the figures gradually fell to nearly 1, 5 hours each day in 2010. In terms of computer games, the amount of hours rose sharply from 1980 and 2010, and reached the peak of 3 hours each day in 2010. By contrast, some outdoor sports gradually declined from 2, 5 hours to 1, 5 hours between 1980 and 2010. However, this figures remained stable over 10 years to 2010.
The chart below illustrates the activities that the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
did in the free time
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1980 and 2010".
between 1980 to 2010


A glance of this line chart reveals that the UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
had three common activities such as: outdoor sports; watching TV and computer games. The number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
that UK
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
did three activities tended to oscillate in this period

Watching TV increased
significantly
from 0, 5
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
to 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each day
Use "between" + "and" not "to." Try this: "between 1980 and 2010".
between 1980 to 2010
, after which the figures
gradually
fell to
nearly
1, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each day in 2010. In terms of computer games, the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
rose
sharply
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1980 to 2010"?
from 1980 and 2010
, and reached the peak of 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
each day in 2010. By contrast,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
outdoor sports
gradually
declined from 2, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to 1, 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
between 1980 and 2010.
However
, this figures remained stable over 10 years to 2010.
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IELTS academic Describe the line chart about activities in the free time of the UK teenagers

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
146 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
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Grammatical Range: 6.0
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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