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Data of divorce and marriage in America

Data of divorce and marriage in America RyqMp
The provided set of graphs illustrates the number of weddings and separation as well as marital condition of Americans adults for the time period of 30 years beginning from 1970. A glance at the data suggests that total number of marriages has decreased over the years. While, the same remained unchanged until 1980. After that, there was minor decline of half million for next twenty years and the final number stood at 2 million in 2000. Also, number of divorces was half then number of weddings in 2000. In 1970 one million cases of divorces were recorded which increased to nearly 14 lacs in 1980. The number of separations was slight more than 10 lacs in 1990. The other graph shows that 70 percent of total adults in America was married in 1970 which decreased to 60% in 2000. Additionally, there was negligible number of divorced adults in 1970 but in 2000 almost one out of 10 adult was divorced. In 1970 approximately 16% adults were those who never married and it expanded to 20% in 2000. Interestingly, widowed adults counted for less then 10% for both the years. Overall, there was no significant change in number of marriages and divorces. The share of married adults was dropped. Consequently, proportion of divorced adults was raised.
The provided set of graphs illustrates the
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number
of weddings and separation
as well
as marital condition of Americans
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adults
for the time period of 30 years beginning from 1970.

A glance at the data suggests that total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of marriages has decreased over the years. While, the same remained unchanged until 1980. After that, there was minor decline of half million for
next
twenty years and the final
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number
stood at 2 million in 2000.
Also
,
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number
of divorces was half then
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number
of weddings in 2000. In 1970 one million cases of divorces
were recorded
which increased to
nearly
14
Possible spelling mistake found.
lacs
in 1980. The
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number
of separations was slight more than 10
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lacs
in 1990.

The other graph
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shows
that 70 percent of total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
in America
was married
in 1970 which decreased to 60% in 2000.
Additionally
, there was negligible
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number
of divorced
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adults
in 1970
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in 2000 almost one out of 10 adult
was divorced
. In 1970 approximately 16%
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adults
were those who never married and it expanded to 20% in 2000.
Interestingly
, widowed
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adults
counted for less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
then
10% for both the years.

Overall
, there was no significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of marriages and divorces. The share of married
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adults
was dropped
.
Consequently
, proportion of divorced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
was raised
.
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IELTS academic Data of divorce and marriage in America

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
215 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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