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comparing about elephant population

comparing about elephant population mbked
The given two bar graphs describe the information about the changes in maximnum number of Asian elephants in 1994 and 2007. Looking at the graph, the population of Asian elephants in India was the highest both in two years representing around 10000 in 1399 and around ฯ000 to 8ooo in 2004. Moving to Laos, the number were remain stable at under 2000. In the same way Vietnam was remain stable at under 2000 too. In addition to Malaysin, the gap between two years were very different, the number were decreased. Overall, it can be seen from the graph that the number was increased from 1997 to 2004. The gap between two years were different in individual country.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
two bar graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the information about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
maximnum


number of Asian elephants in 1994 and 2007.

Looking at the graph, the population of Asian elephants in India was the highest

both in two years representing around 10000 in 1399 and around ฯ000 to 8ooo in 2004.

Moving to Laos, the number
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
stable at under 2000. In the same

way Vietnam was
Consider using a past participle here: "remained".
remain
stable at under 2000 too.
In addition
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
Malaysin
, the gap

between two years were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, the number
were decreased
.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the graph that the number
was increased


from 1997 to 2004. The gap between two years were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
in individual country.
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IELTS academic comparing about elephant population

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
117 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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