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compares the amount of electricity

compares the amount of electricity DNr2p
The line graph compares the amount of electricity produced in France using four different sources of power over a period of 32 years! It is clear that nuclear power was by far the most important means of electricity generation over the period shown. Renewables provided the lowest amount of electricity in each year! In 1980, thermal power stations were the main source of electricity in France, generating around 120 terawatt hours of power. Nuclear and hydroelectric power stations produced just under 75 terawatt hours of electricity each, and renewables provided a negligible amount. Just one year later, nuclear power overtook thermal power as the primary source of electricity. ! ! Between 1980 and 2005, electricity production from nuclear power rose dramatically to a peak of 430 terawatt hours. By contrast, the figure for thermal power fell to only 50 terawatt hours in 1985, and remained at this level for the rest of the period. Hydroelectric power generation remained relatively stable, at between 50 and 80 terawatt hours, for the whole 32-year period, but renewable electricity production saw only a small rise to approximately 25 terawatt hours by 2012. !
The line graph compares the amount of
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electricity
produced in France using four
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different
sources

of
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power
over a period of 32 years!

It is
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clear
that nuclear
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power
was by far the most
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important
means of
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electricity
generation over the

period shown. Renewables provided the lowest amount of
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electricity
in each year!

In 1980, thermal
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power
stations were the main source of
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electricity
in France, generating around

120 terawatt
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hours
of
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power
. Nuclear and hydroelectric
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power
stations produced
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just
under 75

terawatt
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hours
of
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electricity
each, and renewables provided a negligible amount.
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Just
one year

later, nuclear
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power
overtook thermal
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power
as the primary source of
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electricity
. ! !

Between 1980 and 2005,
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electricity
production from nuclear
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power
rose
dramatically
to a peak of

430 terawatt
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hours
. By contrast, the figure for thermal
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power
fell to
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only
50 terawatt
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hours
in 1985,

and remained at this level for the rest of the period. Hydroelectric
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power
generation remained

relatively
stable, at between 50 and 80 terawatt
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hours
, for the whole 32-year period,
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but
renewable

electricity production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
rise to approximately 25 terawatt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
by 2012. !
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IELTS academic compares the amount of electricity

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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