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Compare three pie charts below about the consumption of food in China and India to the world.

Compare three pie charts below about the consumption of food in China and India to the world. 6LymW
The pie charts illustrate the amount of food which was ingested all over the the world in 2008 and was compared to the figure of India, China. The unit is measured in percentage. Overall, there are many differences in figure of two countries. Moreover, the amount of processed food eaten took up the highest proportion in all three chart. Beside that, the percentage of nuts and seed consumption in India and over the world made up the lowest share, contrariwise, the proportion of animal food accounted for the smallest percentage in China. Looking at the further details, the consumption of animal food, nuts and seeds, vegetable and fruits in India and all over the world comprised less than a third. . Fuurthermore, the proportion of nuts and seeds in two following chart constituted the lowest, whereas the amount of processed food ingested took up the greatest share and contributed for more than a third Beside that, the figure of animal food eaten in China made up the smallest percentage. On the contrary, the processed food ingested contributed for the largest share. Moreover, the amount of nuts and seeds, animal food constituted less than 20%, whereas the consumption of vegerables and fruits, processed food took up almost a third.
The pie charts illustrate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
was ingested
all over
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
world in 2008 and
was compared
to the figure of India, China. The unit
is measured
in percentage.

Overall
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differences in figure of two countries.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
eaten took up the highest proportion in all three chart. Beside that, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nuts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seed
consumption in India and over the world made up the lowest share, contrariwise, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
accounted for the smallest percentage in China.

Looking at the
further
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nuts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
, vegetable and fruits in India and all over the world comprised less than a third.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Fuurthermore
, the proportion of
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nuts
and
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seeds
in two following
Possible agreement error. The noun 'chart' seems to be countable, so consider using: "charts".
chart
constituted the lowest, whereas the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingested took up the greatest share and contributed for more than a third

Beside that, the figure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
eaten in China made up the smallest percentage.
On the contrary
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ingested contributed for the largest share.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nuts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seeds
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
constituted less than 20%, whereas the consumption of
Possible spelling mistake found.
vegerables
and fruits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
took up almost a third.
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IELTS academic Compare three pie charts below about the consumption of food in China and India to the world.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
208 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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