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Compare 3 pie charts below about the consumption of food

Compare 3 pie charts below about the consumption of food eb7EB
The given pie graphs illustrate the rate of foodstuff consumed in China, India and all over the world which divide into four categories namely processed food, vegetables and fruits, animal food, nuts and seeds over the year 2008. Looking at the pie charts, it is immediately obvious that the consumption of processed food in both nations and in the world registered at the largest figure with the exception of expenditures of animal food, nuts and seeds occupied higher in China and India than in the world. A quick glance at the charts reveal that in 2008, the statistics of processed food represented a good proportion in total such as 32 % in China, 23% in India and 29% over the world. In addition, the data of vegetables and fruits also registered at the second position such as almost a third in China, whereas it was marginally less in India with 23 % and in the world with 29%. Turning to other details, the number of nuts and seeds expended in China was a minority but it was higher than in India and over the world respectively at 11% and 14 %. The consumption of animal food showed approximately a third in India and less than one percent in the world. However, an opposite data was witnessed in China which just occupied a small number in 2008.
The
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given
pie graphs illustrate the rate of foodstuff consumed in China, India and all
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over
the
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world
which divide into four categories
namely
processed
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food
, vegetables and fruits, animal
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food
, nuts and seeds
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over
the year 2008.

Looking at the pie charts, it is immediately obvious that the consumption of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in both nations and in the
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world
registered at the largest figure
Consider using "except" or "except for"
with the exception of
expenditures of animal
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food
, nuts and seeds occupied higher in China and India than in the world.

A quick glance at the charts reveal that in 2008, the statistics of processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
represented a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
proportion in total such as 32 % in China, 23% in India and 29%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
In addition
, the data of vegetables and fruits
also
registered at the second position such as almost a third in China, whereas it was
marginally
less in India with 23 % and in the
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world
with 29%.

Turning to other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, the number of nuts and seeds expended in China was a minority
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but
it was higher than in India and
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over
the
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world
respectively
at 11% and 14 %. The consumption of animal
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food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
approximately a third in India and less than one percent in the
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world
.
However
, an opposite data
was witnessed
in China which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
occupied a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number in 2008.
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IELTS academic Compare 3 pie charts below about the consumption of food

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
226 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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