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compare the table of expenditure for three countries in different category

compare the table of expenditure for three countries in different category m2gYd
The given table compares the percentage of expenditure, which college students from three countries spend on different living expenses each year. Overall, the total spending of students in country A was higher than that of the students from country B and C. It is clear that, in all countries students spend highest proportion of their budget on accommodation and dietary purpose. In country A, the total spending of students is the highest, at 5000$ per year, compared with 4500$ and 1500$ for students in countries B and C respectively. Accommodation accounts for 45% of the total expenditure of students in country A, while the proportion were lower for students in country B and C, at 35% and 30% respectively. However, in terms of food, students in country C spent the highest percentage of their money on it, accounting for 36%. The figure for country A and B are only 22% and 28% respectively. Students of country C also spent highest proportion of their budget on books. By contrast, in terms of books, country A and B spent only 3% and 9% respectively. Students in country A and B spent a big amount for leisure purpose, accounting for 22% and 23%, respectively, while the figure is only 12% for country C.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table compares the percentage of expenditure, which college
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students
from three
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countries
spend on
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different
living expenses each year.

Overall
, the total spending of
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students
in
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country
A was higher than that of the
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students
from
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country
B and C. It is
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clear
that, in all
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countries
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students
spend
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of their budget on accommodation and dietary purpose.

In
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country
A, the total spending of
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students
is the highest, at
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$5000".
5000$
per year, compared with
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$4500".
4500$
and
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$1500".
1500$
for
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students
in
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countries
B and C
respectively
.

Accommodation accounts for 45% of the total expenditure of
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students
in
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country
A, while the proportion
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
lower for
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students
in
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country
B and C, at 35% and 30%
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respectively
.
However
, in terms of food,
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students
in
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country
C
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spent
the highest percentage of their money on it, accounting for 36%. The figure for
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country
A and B are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
22% and 28%
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respectively
.
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Students
of
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country
C
also
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spent
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of their budget on books. By contrast, in terms of books,
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country
A and B
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
3% and 9%
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respectively
.
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Students
in
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country
A and B
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spent
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount for leisure purpose, accounting for 22% and 23%,
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respectively
, while the figure is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
12% for
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country
C.
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IELTS academic compare the table of expenditure for three countries in different category

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
210 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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