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Compare global sales of 5 famous brands

Compare global sales of 5 famous brands kgaV2
The bar chart compares the amount of mobile phone sales from five famous brands, namely Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and ZTE from 2009 to 2013. It is clear that the majority of device sales was the Samsung and Nokia brand while the lower amount of one came from Apple, LG and ZTE brand over the 5-year period. The Samsung’s sale increased significantly within 5 years and hit the highest point in 2013 with 450 sales. The sales of Apple became popular and climbed sharply from 25 sales to 150 ones on that period. There was a gradual rise in ZTE’s sale, 2013 sales has about 20 sales more than 2009. The sales of Nokia brand went down and considerably dropped between 2011 and 2013 from approximate 425 to 250 while LG’s sale witnessed a steadily decrease throught 5 years and reached only 75 sales in 2013. Started at the highest place at first, Nokia can not be there because of the Samsung’s rocket which helped Samsung had the most sale in 2013. At the same time, even when ZTE rose there sale, it still had the least sales in five common brands.
The bar chart compares the amount of mobile phone
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sales
from five
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famous
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brands
,
namely
Samsung, Apple, Nokia, LG and
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ZTE
from 2009 to 2013.

It is
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clear
that the majority of device
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sales
was the Samsung and Nokia
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brand
while the lower amount of one came from Apple, LG and
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ZTE
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brand
over the 5-year period.

The Samsung’s
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sale
increased
significantly
within 5 years and hit the highest point in 2013 with 450
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sales
. The
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sales
of Apple became popular and climbed
sharply
from 25
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sales
to 150 ones on that period. There was a gradual rise in
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ZTE
’s
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sale
, 2013
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sales
has about 20
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sales
more than 2009.

The
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sales
of Nokia
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brand
went down and
considerably
dropped between 2011 and 2013 from approximate 425 to 250 while LG’s
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sale
witnessed a
You used an adverb ('steadily') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
steadily decrease
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throught
5 years and reached
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only
75
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sales
in 2013.

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Started
at the highest place at
first
, Nokia can not be there
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because
of the Samsung’s rocket which
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helped
Samsung had the most
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sale
in 2013. At the same time, even when
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ZTE
rose there
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sale
, it
still
had the least
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sales
in five common
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brands
.
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IELTS academic Compare global sales of 5 famous brands

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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