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chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99

chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99 aw7Do
The chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99. Both the unemployed and retired men and women spend the large chunk of their time in leisure among all the different employment status. In both these categories, men still spend more leisure time around 85 hours per week which is 10 hours more than the women. Overall, men leads women in leisure time spend among all the employment categories. It can also be noticed that no men is interested in the part-time jobs and in the housewives role. Only women can be found in these employment statuses. Housewives women typically spend around 50 hours leisure time per week whereas the part-time employed women spend around 40 hours of their time in leisure. Full-time employed men and women spend the least time in leisure weekly compared to all other employment statuses. Men still in this category manage to spend more leisure time compared to the women which is around 45 hours, 10 hours more than the women
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the weekly
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leisure
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time
spent in
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hours
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
under
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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employment
status in year 1998-99.

Both the unemployed and retired
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men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the large chunk of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
among all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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employment
status. In both these categories,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
still
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spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
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around
85
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hours
per week which is 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
.
Overall
,
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men
leads
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
among all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
categories.

It can
also
be noticed
that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
is interested
in the part-time jobs and in the
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "housewives'" or "housewife's"?
housewives
role.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
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women
can
be found
in these
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employment
statuses. Housewives
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women
typically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per week whereas the part-time employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in leisure.

Full-time employed
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men
and
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women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
weekly compared to all other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employment
statuses.
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Men
still
in this category manage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
more than the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
women
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IELTS academic chart shows the weekly leisure time spent in hours by men and women under different employment status in year 1998-99

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
176 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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