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advantages and disadvantages between workers and factories

advantages and disadvantages between workers and factories Nr3pW
The table illustrates the figures of employees and factories from 1851 to 1901 in England and Wales. Besides, it also shows the difference between genders. Overall, total employees dropped dramatically in 1861 and 1871, decreased around 186, 000 and 151, 000 people respectively. Meanwhile, the numbers of factories met a surprised growth in 1871, increased around 400 during last 10 years. In addition, factories' numbers remained stable afterward. However, total numbers of employees decayed all over from 1881 to 1901, in 1901 the employees only half percentage of employees in 1881. Furthermore, female workers kept decreasing in past 50 years. They used to have 190, 000 of women workers in 1851, and only 30, 000 in 1901, which was over 60% drop. Moreover, Male workers met more dramatically decay, more than 90% drop from 1851 to 1901.
The table illustrates the figures of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and factories from 1851 to 1901 in England and Wales.
Besides
, it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the difference between genders.

Overall
, total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
dropped
dramatically
in 1861 and 1871, decreased around 186, 000 and 151, 000
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
respectively
. Meanwhile, the numbers of factories met a surprised growth in 1871, increased around 400 during last 10 years.
In addition
, factories' numbers remained stable afterward.
However
, total numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
decayed all over from 1881 to 1901, in 1901 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
half percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in 1881.

Furthermore
, female workers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
decreasing in past 50 years. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have 190, 000 of women workers in 1851, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30, 000 in 1901, which was over 60% drop.
Moreover
, Male workers met more
dramatically
decay, more than 90% drop from 1851 to 1901.
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IELTS academic advantages and disadvantages between workers and factories

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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