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changes museum in 1957 and 2007

changes museum in 1957 and 2007 0w861
The above Diagram illustrate the changes in museum from the year 1957 to 2007. As we can see that the trees besides the road at the bottom side has been cut out, moreover the road towards the museum is also not in present as it was there in before year 1957. The direction of the enterance is also changed, in addition to that the place of hall has been taken by the museum shop. In before year 1957 the museum was of very small in size area wise and also there were limited rooms, but as we can see in year 2007 the museum has grown up in large area. The place of the national history exhibition room has been taken out by the special exhibition and education center. There is a special place provided in major area for local history room. Anyone can get the information related to museum at the reception located beside the cafe. We can see less greenery as compared to it was in year 1957.
The above Diagram illustrate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
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museum
from the

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year
1957 to 2007.

As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the trees
besides
the road at the bottom side has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
out,
moreover
the road towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
is
also
not in present as it was there in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
year
1957. The direction of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
enterance
is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
in addition
to that the place of hall has
been taken
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
shop. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
year 1957 the
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museum
was
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
of


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very
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
small in size
area wise and
also
there
were limited
rooms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in year 2007 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
has grown up in large area. The place of the national history exhibition room has
been taken
out by the special exhibition and education center.

There is a special place provided in major area for local history room. Anyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the information related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at the reception located beside the
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
less greenery as compared to it was in year 1957.
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IELTS academic changes museum in 1957 and 2007

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
170 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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