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Changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country

Changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country gDGeg
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of people from five different nations migrating to Australia in 1962, 1982 and 2002. Overall, it is evident that the percentage of Italian immigrants to Australia was highest during the period in question, except in 1982 when Vietnam ranked first among the five countries. Additionally, while the rates of UK, Indian and Vietnamese immigrants increased, the opposite was true for New Zealanders and Italians over the given period. In 1962, Italian people accounted for the highest percentage of immigrants to Australia, at precisely 40%, while the figures for Vietnam and the UK were identical, at 10%. Meanwhile, around 7% of immigrants to Australia came from New Zealand, compared to only about 2% from India. Over the following 40 years, the figure for IItalian immigrants fell sharply to 15%, while increases to approximately 12% and 15% in the figures for the UK and India respectively. At the same time, an opposite trend could be observed with regard to the rates of immigrants from New Zealand and Vietnam, at 5% and and 13% respectively.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart illustrates the proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations migrating to Australia in 1962, 1982 and 2002.

Overall
, it is evident that the percentage of Italian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Australia was highest during the period in question, except in 1982 when Vietnam ranked
first
among the five countries.
Additionally
, while the rates of UK, Indian and Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
increased, the opposite was true for New Zealanders and Italians over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

In 1962, Italian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
accounted for the highest percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Australia, at
precisely
40%, while the figures for Vietnam and the UK were identical, at 10%. Meanwhile, around 7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
to Australia came from New Zealand, compared to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
about 2% from India.

Over the following 40 years, the figure for
Possible spelling mistake found.
IItalian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
fell
sharply
to 15%, while increases to approximately 12% and 15% in the figures for the UK and India
respectively
. At the same time, an opposite trend could
be observed
with regard to the rates of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
immigrants
from New Zealand and Vietnam, at 5%
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
13%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Changes in the percentage of households with cars in one European country

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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