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Calorie source for UK males at different life periods.

Calorie source for UK males at different life periods. jBGd
The bar chart describes information about dairy products, meat, beans, and resources such as adults and the elderly in adolescents. It is clear that dairy products, non-vegetarian foods, and protein are mostly consumed by young people, adults, and senior citizens respectively. Whereas, the percentage of green food is less than other products. Initially, from birth to the age of 25, the demand for dairy products appears to be more than 40%, the source of meat and vegetables is exactly 20%, but the supply of pulses is below 20%. In addition, in the age group of 25 to 49 years, the proportion of food is found to be around 50%. Because they have to work hard during this period. Consumption rates for dairy products, beans, and green food are about 25%, 10%, and 15%, respectively. After all, seeds are an important resource for most older citizens, as they strengthen bones, consequently, with more than 60% of people consuming this food which is the highest among other sources. Milk food has a rate of 20%, and the rate of beans and vegetables is the same at 20% and 10% respectively.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
information about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, meat, beans, and resources such as adults and the elderly in adolescents.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, non-vegetarian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, and protein are
mostly
consumed by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, adults, and senior citizens
respectively
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
, the percentage of green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is less than other products.

Initially
, from birth to the age of 25, the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
appears to be more than 40%, the source of meat and vegetables is exactly 20%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the supply of pulses is below 20%.
In addition
, in the age group of 25 to 49 years, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is found
to be around 50%.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
during this period. Consumption rates for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dairy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, beans, and green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are about 25%, 10%, and 15%,
respectively
.

After all
, seeds are an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
resource for
Use only "older" (without 'most') when you use the comparative.
most older
citizens, as they strengthen bones,
consequently
, with more than 60% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consuming this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is the highest among other sources. Milk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has a rate of 20%, and the rate of beans and vegetables is the same at 20% and 10%
respectively
.
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IELTS academic Calorie source for UK males at different life periods.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
188 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
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