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Bar graph shows the percentage of older people in three countries in three year

Bar graph shows the percentage of older people in three countries in three year 1VBkN
The bar graph illustrates the information about the percentile of older people in three distinct countries in the year 1980, 2000 and 2030. The data has been calibrated in percentage As presented in the graph, the percentage of elder citizens in Canada was only 10%, then it inclined by 5% in Germany, whereas the percentile of older people in the UK was approximately 13%. After 20 years, grey hair people's percentage in canada increased and reached at 20% while in Germany it surged by 5% accounted as 20%, however in UK the percentage reached at 15%. Moving further into the graph, it is estimated that the percentage of elders in 2030 will be changed. In Germany the percentile of older people will be reached at peak 25% nevertheless in other countries Canada and UK the percentage anticipated is 22 and 19% respectively. Overall, in Germany the percentage of people was higher as compared to others and least was in the UK. It is predicted that the percentage in all countries will be incline.
The bar graph illustrates the information about the percentile of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in three distinct countries in the year 1980, 2000 and 2030. The data has
been calibrated
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
As presented in the graph, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elder citizens in Canada was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
10%, then it inclined by 5% in Germany, whereas the percentile of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the UK was approximately 13%. After 20 years,
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
hair
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
canada
increased and reached at 20% while in Germany it surged by 5% accounted as 20%,
however
in UK the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
reached at 15%. Moving
further
into the graph, it
is estimated
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of elders in 2030 will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
. In Germany the percentile of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be reached
at peak 25%
nevertheless
in other countries Canada and UK the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
anticipated is 22 and 19%
respectively
.
Overall
, in Germany the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
was higher
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
compared to others and least was in the UK. It
is predicted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
in all countries will be
Consider using a past participle here: "inclined".
incline
.

IELTS academic Bar graph shows the percentage of older people in three countries in three year

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
173 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
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  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
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    Present relevant ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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