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Bar graph shows the average calorie intake

Bar graph shows the average calorie intake w7JL3
The given bar graph depicts the mean calorie ingestion per person in eight different nations in 2003. Overall, it can be seen from the chart that the economic state of the country is directly proportional to the calorie intake of citizens. The highest calorie intake had shown in n the USA whereas the lowest was illustrated in Indonesia. According to the graphical representation, the average calorie intake per person was maximum in the United States, about 3400. Followed by New Zealand, which accounts almost 100 calories less than the USA. Spain and Mexico, India and China shared the similar amounts of energy intake, that is just over 2500 and 2000 respectively. In contrast, economically the lowest level nations Somalia and Indonesia have shown comparatively lower proportion of food and calorie intake. It was less than 2000 in Somalia and approximately 1700 in Indonesia.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph depicts the mean calorie ingestion per person in eight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nations in 2003.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
from the chart that the economic state of the country is
directly
proportional to the calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
of citizens. The highest calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
had shown in n the USA whereas the lowest
was illustrated
in Indonesia.

According to the graphical representation, the average calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
per person was maximum in the United States, about 3400. Followed by New Zealand, which accounts almost 100 calories less than the USA. Spain and Mexico, India and China shared the similar amounts of energy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
,
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 2500 and 2000
respectively
.

In contrast
,
economically
the lowest level nations Somalia and Indonesia have shown
comparatively
lower proportion of food and calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
. It was less than 2000 in Somalia and approximately 1700 in Indonesia.
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IELTS academic Bar graph shows the average calorie intake

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
143 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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