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Information about students studying in six main subjects

Information about students studying in six main subjects mX0Md
The given bar chart displays statistics about the gender proportions of six different subjects at and American university in 2010. Overall we can observe a slight advantage gravitating towards male, as they come up being the stronger side in three out of six subjects, with only finance experiencing a draw, both at 270 students. Mathematics is the field that showed a very clear sense of male dominance, with 200 men and only a fourth of them are girls. Economics also had more male students as there were 150 male and only approximately 70 female students. In engineering, the difference between men and women was not significant, since the difference was only 3-5 students ahead of each other. On the the other hand. Women tend to have an advantage in marketing and accounting as they had a similar deficit of 30 students.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart displays statistics about the gender proportions of six
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
subjects at and American university in 2010.
Overall
we can observe a slight advantage gravitating towards male, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up being the stronger side in three out of six subjects, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
finance experiencing a draw, both at 270 students.

Mathematics is the field that
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showed
a
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very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
sense of male dominance, with 200
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men
and
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only
a fourth of them are girls. Economics
also
had more male
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students
as there were 150 male and
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only
approximately 70 female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In engineering, the difference between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women was not significant, since the difference was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
3-5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ahead of each other. On
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the the
other hand. Women tend to have an advantage in marketing and accounting as they had a similar deficit of 30
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students
.
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IELTS academic Information about students studying in six main subjects

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
141 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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