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Bar graph explain about emplacement status of people in us between 2003 to 2013

Bar graph explain about emplacement status of people in us between 2003 to 2013 Vwr2J
It is clearly visible that in 2003 business was vastly popular among Americans, accounting for 42%. It was followed by the medical sector with around 20%, which was the second common choice during that period. The self-employment and unemployment ratio was the same with roughly 10%each. Hotel industry employees were at a mere 4, substantially lower than any other category. By 2013, the employment categories had changed drastically. The hotel industry rose, reaching nearly 15%. Education and building followed the same trend with almost 16 and 20%. Additionally, self-employment also increased tremendously by 20%, which was 3 times more than in 2003. Unemployment decreased by 5% approximately.
It is
clearly
visible that in 2003 business was
vastly
popular among Americans, accounting for 42%. It
was followed
by the medical sector with around 20%, which was the second common choice during that period. The self-employment and unemployment ratio was the same with roughly 10%each. Hotel industry employees were at a mere 4,
substantially
lower than any other category. By 2013, the employment categories had
changed
drastically
. The hotel industry rose, reaching
nearly
15%. Education and building followed the same trend with almost 16 and 20%.
Additionally
, self-employment
also
increased
tremendously
by 20%, which was 3 times more than in 2003. Unemployment decreased by 5% approximately.
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IELTS academic Bar graph explain about emplacement status of people in us between 2003 to 2013

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
107 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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