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bar chart of the children who transported to schools

bar chart of the children who transported to schools Kn9O0
The bar chart demonstrated the data on how school children aged 5-12, of a nation, were driven to schools, using various transports from 1990 to 2010. Overall, walking was the most preferred mode of commute in 1990 as against the cars being the topmost interested to a plethora of children in 2010. In 1990, about 12 million children traveled to and from walking as opposed to the fewest, who made it by car (4 million). Meanwhile, commuting by bus was the second-best favorable which accounted for nearly 7 million, while both by foot cycles and the combination of bicycle and walk showed equality of 6 million. Most strikingly, after 20-years the physical exercise of children had been declined, which was evident by the dip of two-fold less than 12 million in 2010 to 6 million pupils, and the traveling by the bus stood at an almost closer level to the former. On the contrary, those who being transported by cars had been soared at thrice in comparison to 1990, recorded as nearly 12 million.
The bar chart demonstrated the data on how school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
aged 5-12, of a nation,
were driven
to schools, using various transports from 1990 to 2010.

Overall
, walking was the most preferred mode of commute in 1990 as against the cars being the topmost interested to a plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in 2010. In 1990, about 12
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million
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
traveled to and from walking as opposed to the fewest, who made it by car (4
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million)
. Meanwhile, commuting by bus was the second-best favorable which accounted for

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
nearly
7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
, while both by foot cycles and the combination of bicycle and walk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
equality of 6 million.

Most
strikingly
, after 20-years the physical exercise of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
had
been declined
, which was evident by the dip of two-fold less than 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
in 2010 to 6
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
pupils, and the traveling by the bus stood at an almost closer level to the former.
On the contrary
, those
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
who


being transported
by cars had
been soared
at thrice
in comparison


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
1990, recorded as
nearly
12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
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IELTS academic bar chart of the children who transported to schools

Academic
  American English
6 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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