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Bar Chart if energy consumption

Bar Chart if energy consumption WqVnk
The chart shows a comparison of the energy consumption of 16 different household devices with the cost per year. Spa (pump and heater) has the highest energy consumption (2300kwh/year) every year with the cost also being on the higher side that is around 180 dollars. The electric blanket is on the lesser side with about 20 kwh/year and therefore the cost also being on the lower side. The chart is organized in a way that starts with the least amount of electricity consumed, i. e, the electric blanket to the most amount of electricity consumed, i. , e the Spa. It is also seen that items that are considered to be 'luxuirous' like a Pool pump or spa consume the most energy and are comparatively more expensive than the others. It is also seen that day-to-day items like Oven and Refrigerator have such a big discrepancy in their electricity consumption with Oven using around 100 kwh/year or 20 dollars and refrigerator using around 1100 kw/h or 90 dollars. In conclusion, it is the luxurious items always that doesn't only consume electricity/energy more but also turns out to be expensive to the user.
The chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
a comparison of the energy consumption of 16
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
household devices with the cost per year. Spa (pump and heater) has the highest energy consumption (2300kwh/year) every year with the cost
also
being on the higher side
that is
around 180 dollars. The electric blanket is on the lesser side with about 20
Possible spelling mistake found.
kwh
/year and
therefore
the cost
also
being on the lower side. The chart
is organized
in a way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
with the least amount of electricity consumed, i. e, the electric blanket to the most amount of electricity consumed, i.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
e the Spa. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that items that
are considered
to be '
Possible spelling mistake found.
luxuirous
' like a Pool pump or spa consume the most energy and are
comparatively
more expensive than the others. It is
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that day-to-day items like Oven and Refrigerator have such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
discrepancy in their electricity consumption with Oven using around 100
Possible spelling mistake found.
kwh
/year or 20 dollars and refrigerator using around 1100 kw/h or 90 dollars.
In conclusion
, it is the luxurious items always that doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
consume electricity/energy more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
turns out to be expensive to the user.
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IELTS academic Bar Chart if energy consumption

Academic
  American English
1 paragraphs
192 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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