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bar chart about regular exercise in australia

bar chart about regular exercise in australia rbm9J
The bar chart displays the percentages of males and females in Australia in different age brackets who exercised regularly in 2010. Overall, while women’s participation was highest in the 45-54 age bracket, that of men peaked among 15- to 24-year-olds. In addition, a higher percentage of women than men exercised regularly in every age group except the youngest. 47. 7 percent of women in the lowest age bracket took regular exercise. Their participation then went up steadily with increasing age, reaching its peak in the 45-54 age group, at 53. 3 percent. Above that, it started to drop, with only 47. 1 percent of those in the highest age group exercising regularly. Male participation was higher in the lowest age group, at 52. 8 percent, than in any other. This was also the only group in which there was a higher percentage of males than females taking regular exercise. Men’s participation rate then fell to its lowest level among 35- to 44-year-olds, at 39. 5 percent, before climbing to 46. 7 percent among the over-65s. This rate was very close to that of females in the same age bracket.
The bar chart displays the percentages of males and females in Australia in
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different
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age
brackets who exercised
regularly
in 2010.

Overall
, while women’s
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participation
was highest in the 45-54
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age
bracket, that of
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men
peaked among 15- to 24-year-olds.
In addition
, a higher percentage of women than
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men
exercised
regularly
in every
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age
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group
except the youngest.

47. 7
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percent
of women in the lowest
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age
bracket took regular exercise. Their
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participation
then went up
steadily
with increasing
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age
, reaching its peak in the 45-54
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age
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group
, at 53. 3
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percent
. Above that, it
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started
to drop, with
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only
47. 1
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percent
of those in the highest
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age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
exercising
regularly
.

Male
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participation
was higher in the lowest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, at 52. 8
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percent
,
Did you mean "then"?
than
in any other. This was
also
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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group
in which there was a higher percentage of males than females taking regular exercise.
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Men
’s
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participation
rate then fell to its lowest level among 35- to 44-year-olds, at 39. 5
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percent
,
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before
climbing to 46. 7
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percent
among the over-65s. This rate was
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very
close to that of females in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
bracket.

IELTS academic bar chart about regular exercise in australia

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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