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four different countries in 2007 about transportaion of train.

four different countries in 2007 about transportaion of train. peGrD
The given table shows data contaning four different countries in 2007 about transportaion of train. First of all, the people who are using rail transport in Malaysia are 5. 9 million. The kilometres travelled by the passengers is 770 and the rail carried Cargo is 22. 2 billions of tons. In Canada, only 0. 3 million people are using trains and the passengers travelled of total distance is 80 kilometres. Also train carried cargo is 28. 20 tons of billions. Secondly, in China there were 27 million users of train and the kilometres travelled of the passengers is 1980. Also, 23. 01 billions of tons cargo is carried by this transport. In UAE, there were 5. 5 million people who are using transportaion of train and distance covered by the passengers is 780 kilometers. Cargo carried by the train is about 21. 9 billions of tons. Overall, it is clear from the table that the highest number of people using rail transport is in malaysia country and the least users of train are in Canada.
The
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given
table
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shows
data
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contaning
four
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different
countries in 2007 about
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transportaion
of train.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
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people
who are using rail transport in Malaysia are 5. 9
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million
. The
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
travelled by the
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passengers
is 770 and the rail carried
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Cargo
is 22.
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "2 billion".
2 billions of
tons. In Canada,
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only
0. 3
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million
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people
are using
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trains
and the
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passengers
travelled of total distance is 80
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
.
Also
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train
carried
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cargo
is 28. 20 tons of billions.

Secondly
, in China there were 27
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million
users of
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train
and the
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
travelled of the
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passengers
is 1980.
Also
, 23.
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "01 billion".
01 billions of
tons
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cargo
is carried
by this transport.
A determiner is probably missing here: "In the UAE".
In UAE
, there were 5. 5
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million
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people
who are using
Possible spelling mistake found.
transportaion
of
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train
and distance covered by the
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passengers
is 780 kilometers.
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Cargo
carried by the
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train
is about 21.
Use a singular form of the numeral here: "9 billion".
9 billions of
tons.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from the table that the highest number of
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people
using rail transport is in
Possible spelling mistake found.
malaysia
country and the least users of
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train
are in Canada.

IELTS academic four different countries in 2007 about transportaion of train.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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