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Avergare students going to study abroad in UK at 2009 and 2014

Avergare students going to study abroad in UK at 2009 and 2014 NmwbW
The pie-chart illustrates by providing statistics about how scholars selecting different types of abroad languages (such as French, Spanish, Italian, German, Russian )in the United kingdom in two years 2009 and 2014. Overall, In the time of 2009 students were choosing french language for studies in the UK which shows highest proportion of languages in pie chart. Whereas the ratio of french language displays decreases after four year in 2014. In past time of 2009 pupils were electing various types of dialect in the UK. French was the favourite language which shows 43% record which represents first position in the chart. Whereas in 2014 it deducts from 43% to 34%. Secondly, Italian toungue helds second highest postion and its vicinity contribution was spanish language which allotment was 20% and 16% respectively in 2009. To comapre in 2014 the little amount of scale increases for both of dialects which helds same numerical data for both languages that was 24%. Meanwhile, In the chart of 2009 the least amount of contribution caught in Russian language which part was 9% that quite near to German language which included 12% of the chart. On the other hand in 2014 the amount of 9% reduce to the 8% and the content of 12% subtract to the 10%.
The pie-chart illustrates by providing statistics about how scholars selecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
(such as French, Spanish, Italian, German, Russian
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
in the
The proper noun "United Kingdom" needs to be capitalized.
United kingdom
in two years 2009 and 2014.

Overall
, In the time of 2009 students were choosing
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for studies in the UK which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
proportion of
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languages
in pie
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chart
. Whereas the ratio of
"French" needs to be capitalized when not used as a verb.
french
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language
displays decreases after four year in 2014.

In
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past time
of 2009 pupils were electing various types of dialect in the UK.

French was the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
43% record which represents
first
position in the
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chart
.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
in 2014 it deducts from 43% to 34%.
Secondly
, Italian
Possible spelling mistake found.
toungue
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helds
second highest
Possible spelling mistake found.
postion
and its vicinity contribution was
Possible spelling mistake found.
spanish
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language
which allotment was 20% and 16%
respectively
in 2009. To
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comapre
in 2014 the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
amount of scale increases for both of dialects which
Possible spelling mistake found.
helds
same numerical data for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
that was 24%.

Meanwhile, In the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
of 2009 the least amount of contribution caught in Russian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which part was 9% that quite near to German
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
which included 12% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chart
.
On the other hand
in 2014 the amount of 9%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
to the 8% and the content of 12% subtract to the 10%.
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IELTS academic Avergare students going to study abroad in UK at 2009 and 2014

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
212 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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