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Average nutrient intake of a person in the USA

Average nutrient intake of a person in the USA QRGo9
The below diagram depicts the average consumption intake of sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar in one's daily meals and snacks in the USA, which can be unhealthy if consumed in a large quantity by any person. Overall, the 43% consumption of sodium as the last meal is the highest amongst the fat and sugar. On the other hand, fat as a nutrient is consumed most in the dinner time with 37% amongst the other meals. Added sugar has a maximum intake during the snacks time ranging to 42% which is the second highest consumption after sodium. The Daily intake of sodium is 72% when both lunch and dinner are combined together which is the highest nutrient intake among the various persons in the USA. The trend in the fat consumption shows a less number in comparison to the lunch and dinner intakes of sodium stating up to 63%. The level of intake of sugar is slightly above the fat which is a total of 65%. These nutrients when taken in a larger sum shall have an unhealthy setback on a person. In regards to the chart, a person’s sodium and fat intake level is in a large amount as the last meal, on the contrary sugar has a lower consumption during the night time. An average person's most important meal is a breakfast, where the nutrient intake is the least from 14-16% but the consumption increases significantly with each and every meal for the remaining day.
The below diagram depicts the average
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consumption
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intake
of sodium, saturated
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fat
, and
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added
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sugar
in one's daily
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meals
and snacks in the USA, which can be unhealthy if consumed in a large quantity by any person.

Overall
, the 43%
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consumption
of sodium as the last
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meal
is the highest amongst the
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fat
and
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sugar
.
On the other hand
,
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fat
as a
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nutrient
is consumed
most in the dinner time with 37% amongst the other
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meals
.
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Added
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sugar
has a maximum
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intake
during the snacks time ranging to 42% which is the second highest
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consumption
after sodium.

The Daily
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intake
of sodium is 72% when both lunch and dinner are
'combined together' is redundant. Use "combined"
combined together
which is the highest
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nutrient
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intake
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
the various persons in the USA. The trend in the
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fat
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consumption
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shows
a less number
in comparison
to the lunch and dinner
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intakes
of sodium stating up to 63%.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
level of
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intake
of
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sugar
is
slightly
above the
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fat
which is a total of 65%. These
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nutrients
when taken in a larger sum shall have an unhealthy setback on a person.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
In regards to
the chart, a person’s sodium and
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fat
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intake
level is in a large amount as the last
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meal
,
on the contrary
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sugar
has a lower
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consumption
during the
This word is normally spelled as one.
night time
. An average person's most
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important
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meal
is a breakfast, where the
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nutrient
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intake
is the least from 14-16%
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
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consumption
increases
significantly
with each and every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meal
for the remaining day.
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IELTS academic Average nutrient intake of a person in the USA

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
247 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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