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average monthly amount of rainfall and temperature ìn Kolka

average monthly amount of rainfall and temperature ìn Kolka Rk5Ap
This graph shows the average monthly amount of rainfall and temperature ìn Kolkata, and give a comparison between 12 months to precipitate it in future. As it can be seen, there is a upward trend in raining amount until July and afterthat it is followed by a downward trend. Therefore the most raining volume is shown in July, with the amount of about 350 mm and the least amount could be seen in December, with nearly 20mm. The graph also illustrates the temperature in a sharp increase until May, and in contrary a gradual decrease after that. In a glance view, it indicates us a parallel increase in both of them in the first half of the year and a fall in the second part of it.
This graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the average monthly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
amount
of rainfall and temperature
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ìn
Kolkata, and give a comparison between 12 months to precipitate it
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

As it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, there is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend in raining
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amount
until July and
Possible spelling mistake found.
afterthat
it
is followed
by a downward trend.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
the most raining volume
is shown
in July, with the
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amount
of about 350 mm and the least
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amount
could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in December, with
nearly
Insert a space between the numerical value and the unit symbol "20 mm"
20mm
.

The graph
also
illustrates the temperature in a sharp increase until May, and in contrary a gradual decrease after that.

In a glance view, it indicates us a parallel increase in both of them in the
first
half of the year and a fall in the second part of it.
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IELTS academic average monthly amount of rainfall and temperature ìn Kolka

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
127 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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