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Comparing statistics of local and overseas students

Comparing statistics of local and overseas students gYxPg
This is a graphical comparison ranginf from 2001 to 2010 representing the number of overseas and the number of Australian students enrolled in the Australian universities. The x axis here represents the years while the y axis shows the number of students enrolled. When looked at the first graph showing the overseas students, we can see that the numbers have been steadily increasing for all ten years, as compared to that of the second graph, where the statistics seem to be fluctuating. As of the the overseas students, the students commencing can be seen rising from 2001 to 2009 although after 2009, the rise is not very significant. The tolal number of students has been rising throughout. When we look at the graph representing the local students, the number of students commencing had seen an increase from 2001 to 2002. This high rate falls from 2002 to 2007, and is finally seen to increase in 2008, only to slightly fall again from 2008 to 2010. The total number of students enrolled had been rising steadily from 2002 to 2007 but after 2007, it almost stays at the same rate.
This is a graphical comparison
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ranginf
from 2001 to 2010 representing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of overseas and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled in the Australian universities.

The
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
x axis
here represents the years while the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
y axis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled. When looked at the
first
graph showing the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
have been
steadily
increasing for all ten years, as compared to that of the second graph, where the statistics seem to be fluctuating.

As of
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
commencing can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
rising from 2001 to 2009 although after 2009, the rise is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
tolal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
has been rising throughout.

When we look at the graph representing the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
commencing had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
an increase from 2001 to 2002. This high rate falls from 2002 to 2007, and is
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to increase in 2008,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
slightly
fall again from 2008 to 2010. The total
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
enrolled had been rising
steadily
from 2002 to 2007
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after 2007, it almost stays at the same rate.

IELTS academic Comparing statistics of local and overseas students

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
189 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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