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Attendance at entertainment venues

Attendance at entertainment venues gbJDD
The two charts above provide information regarding the attendance at entertainment venues such as Sports, Theme Parks and Cinemas and the admission prices to those venues in 2009. First reviewing the attendance, Cinemas have had more than a million attendees, making it the most popular amongst the three venues. Coming second in popularity, Theme Parks have had almost four hundred thousand people. Whereas, with less than two hundred thousand, Sports venues have had the least number of people showing up. Secondly, looking at the admission prices on these venues in 2009, we can see a substantial difference in the prices of the venues, with Sports venues being the most expensive, having the prices between $24 to $75 for 1 ticket and $80 to $298 for a family of 4. Cost of Theme Parks are a little less in value in comparison with Sports but not that different. However, with $15 for 1 ticket and $55 for a family of 4, Cinemas had the cheapest price in terms of admission. Overall, it is clear that Cinemas were the cheapest source of entertainment. Therefore, being the most popular amongst the three venues. The two charts above provide information regarding the attendance at entertainment venues such as Sports, Theme Parks and Cinemas and the admission prices to those venues in 2009. First reviewing the attendance, Cinemas have had more than a million attendees, making it the most popular amongst the three venues. Coming second in popularity Theme Parks have had almost four hundred thousand people. Whereas, with less than two hundred thousand, Sports venues have had the least of people using it for entertainment. Secondly, looking at the admission prices on these venues in 2009, we can see a substantial difference in the prices of the venues. With Sports venues being the most expensive, having the prices between $24 up to $75 for 1 ticket and $80 to $298 for a family of 4. Cost of Theme Parks are a little less in value in comparison with Sports but not all that different. However, with $15 for 1 ticket and for a family of 4 $55, Cinemas had the cheapest price in terms of admission. Overall, it is clear that Cinemas were the lowest costing source of entertainment. Therefore, being the most popular amongst the three venues.
The two charts above provide information regarding the
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attendance
at

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
and the admission

prices to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
in 2009.

First
reviewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
have had more than a million attendees,

making it the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
amongst the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
. Coming second in popularity,

Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
have had almost four hundred thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Whereas, with less

Did you mean "Then"?
than
two hundred thousand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
have had the least number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
showing
up.

Secondly
, looking at the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
in 2009, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a

substantial difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
being the

most expensive, having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
between $24 to $75 for 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and $80 to $298

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
for
a family of 4. Cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less in value
in comparison
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
with


Sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
However
, with $15 for 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and $55 for a family of

4,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
had the cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
in terms of admission.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
were the cheapest source of entertainment.

Therefore
, being the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
amongst the three venues.

The two charts above provide information regarding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
at

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
and the admission

prices to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
in 2009.

First
reviewing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attendance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
have had more than a million attendees,

making it the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
amongst the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
. Coming second in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
popularity


Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
have had almost four hundred thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Whereas, with less

Did you mean "Then"?
than
two hundred thousand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
have had the least of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
using it for

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
entertainment
.

Secondly
, looking at the admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
on these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
in 2009, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
substantial
difference in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
being
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
the


most expensive, having the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prices
between $24 up to $75 for 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and $80 to

$298 for a family of 4. Cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Theme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parks
are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
less in value in
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
comparison


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not all that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
However
, with $15 for 1
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ticket
and for a family

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
of
The currency mark is usually put at the beginning of the number: "$4".
4 $
55,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
had the cheapest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
price
in terms of admission.

Overall
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cinemas
were the lowest costing source of entertainment.

Therefore
, being the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
popular
amongst the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
venues
.
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IELTS academic Attendance at entertainment venues

Academic
  American English
30 paragraphs
384 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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