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ar chart illustrates the download rate per week of ActiveX,

ar chart illustrates the download rate per week of ActiveX, DVPQk
The bar chart illustrates the download rate per week of ActiveX, Java and Net computer packages over a period of five weeks. To begin, downloads of ActiveX and Java showed similar patterns, with both gradually increasing from week 1 to week 5. However, the purchases of Active X remained significantly higher than that of the other product over this time frame. In week 1, purchases of ActiveX stood at around 75, 000, while those of Java were about 30, 000 lower. With the exception of a slight fall in week 4, downloading of ActiveX kept increasing until it reached a peak in the final week of just over 120, 000. Java downloads also increased at a steady rate, finishing the period at 80, 000. The product that was downloaded the least was Net. This began at slightly under 40, 000, and, in contrast to the other two products, fell over the next two weeks to reach a low of approximately 25, 000. It then increased sharply over the following two weeks to finish at about 50, 000, which was well below that of ActiveX.
The bar chart illustrates the download rate per
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week
of ActiveX,
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Java
and Net computer packages
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over
a period of five weeks.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, downloads of ActiveX and
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Java
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
similar patterns, with both
gradually
increasing from
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week
1 to
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week
5.
However
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of Active X remained
significantly
higher than that of the other product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
this time frame. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
1,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
of ActiveX stood at around 75, 000, while those of
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Java
were about 30, 000 lower.
Consider using "except" or "except for"
With the exception of
a slight fall in
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week
4, downloading of ActiveX
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
increasing until it reached a peak in the final
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week
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
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over
120, 000.
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Java
downloads
also
increased at a steady rate, finishing the period at 80, 000.

The product that
was downloaded
the least was Net. This began at
slightly
under 40, 000, and,
in contrast
to the other two products, fell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
the
next
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
to reach a low of approximately 25, 000. It then increased
sharply
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over
the following two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weeks
to finish at about 50, 000, which was well below that of ActiveX.
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IELTS academic ar chart illustrates the download rate per week of ActiveX,

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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