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analyse the bar charts and pie charts

analyse the bar charts and pie charts D2xNm
Given are two figures(the bar chart and pie charts) concerning levels of education in a city in Scotland called Glasgowin in 2010. Overall, information is divided into five age groups (16-24, 24-35, 35-50, 50-70 and over 75 years old)which are classified into three educational steps. Meanwhile, pie charts illustrate education levels by gender without any age differences. As shown in the bar chart, the majority of people with university education were 24-35 years old; however, the most illiteracy rate belonged to over 75 years old group. The proportion of men and women were similar and showed little differences between the levels of education. It is apparent from the information supplied by the bar chart in university degree, 15 percentage in school certification and the least illiteracy by 9 percentage. By contrast, the majority of over 75-year-old people were illiterate by 72 percentage and out of 100 persons, only 3 persons had school certification. with regard 16-24 and 35-50 year old, all details were the same. 71 per cent of each group had university education level, then 20percentage went to school and only 9% of people in those groups did not have any qualification. Thus 50% of 50-75-year-old citizens passed university courses and 30% of them had no qualification. education levels by gender were approximately similar in every three parts of levels. the percentage of school certification was the same by 33%, as well as the percentage of university degree and no qualification were respectively 32% and 35% within men; however, these percentages were 3% below in women.
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Given
are two figures(the bar
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chart
and pie
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charts)
concerning
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levels
of
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education
in a city in Scotland called
Possible spelling mistake found.
Glasgowin
in 2010.
Overall
, information
is divided
into five age
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groups
(16-24, 24-35, 35-50, 50-70 and over 75 years
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old
)which
are classified
into three educational steps. Meanwhile, pie
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charts
illustrate
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education
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levels
by gender without any age differences. As shown in the bar
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chart
, the majority of
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people
with
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university
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education
were 24-35 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
;
however
, the most illiteracy rate belonged to over 75 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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group
. The proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women were similar and
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showed
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little
differences between the
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levels
of education.

It is apparent from the information supplied by the bar
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chart
in
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university
degree, 15
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percentage
in
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school
certification and the least illiteracy by 9
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percentage
. By contrast, the majority of over 75-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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people
were illiterate by 72
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percentage
and out of 100 persons,
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only
3 persons had
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school
certification.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
regard 16-24 and 35-50
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year
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old
, all
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details
were the same. 71 per cent of each
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group
had
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university
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education
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level
, then
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20percentage
went to
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school
and
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only
9% of
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people
in those
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groups
did not have any qualification.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
50% of 50-75-year-
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old
citizens passed
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university
courses and 30% of them had no qualification.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
education
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levels
by gender were approximately similar in every three parts of
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levels
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
certification was the same by 33%,
as well
as the
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percentage
of
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university
degree and no qualification were
respectively
32% and 35% within
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men
;
however
, these
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percentages
were 3% below in women.
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IELTS academic analyse the bar charts and pie charts

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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