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aluminium recycle process

aluminium recycle process KnQP1
The above diagram shows us the the steps involved in how aluminium drinks cans are recycled. There are seven steps in total to recycle the aluminium cans. To begin with, the used cans are first put into recycling bin in the collection centre and then separated into aluminium and steel. Secondly, the cans are then transported to a recycling centre where the cans are crushed into small particles for melting process. After the recycling process, the particles of old aluminium are melted down at high temperatures and then turns into bars of new aluminium. After the formation of bars, they are formed into thin aluminium rolls which further helps to create new drinks cans. Once the new cans are made, they are ready to be distributed in the market.
The above diagram
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shows
us
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
steps involved in how
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aluminium
drinks
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cans
are recycled
.

There are seven steps in total to recycle the
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
cans.

To
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begin
with, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
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cans
are
first
put into recycling bin in the collection
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
and then separated into
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
and steel.
Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are then transported to a recycling
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are crushed
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
particles for melting process. After the recycling process, the particles of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
are melted
down at high temperatures and then turns into bars of new
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
.

After the formation of bars, they
are formed
into thin
Possible spelling mistake. 'aluminium' is British English.
aluminium
rolls which
further
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helps
to create new drinks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
. Once the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cans
are made
, they are ready to
be distributed
in the market.
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IELTS academic aluminium recycle process

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
129 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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