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A public park’s plan before and after renovation

A public park’s plan before and after renovation G32Ym
The plans illustrate the two phases of a public park, which includes the opening phase of 1920 and the present-day outline. Overall, the park went through a significant change by incorporating modern facilities while also keeping the green touch at the same time. Looking at the key features, the fountain which was at the central location of the park in 1920 has now converted into a rose garden. Also, seating arrangements have added around the garden. In addition, on the west side of the garden, there was a stage of musicians. However, the stage has turned into a large amphitheater of concerts at the present day. On the southeastern corner, a new decorative water feature has been added which was not present when the park was opened in 1920. Also, an entrance of the underground car park has now constructed but previously, there were a glasshouse and seating arrangements. Furthermore, the pond for water plants and rose garden on the northeastern corner and the north side respectively, have now converted into children's play area and a cafe.
The plans illustrate the two phases of a public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
, which includes the opening phase of 1920 and the present-day outline.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
went through a significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
by incorporating modern facilities while
also
keeping the green touch at the same time.

Looking at the key features, the fountain which was at the central location of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
in 1920 has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
converted into a rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
.
Also
, seating arrangements have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
.
In addition
, on the west side of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
, there was a stage of musicians.
However
, the stage has turned into a large amphitheater of concerts at the present day.

On the southeastern corner, a new decorative water feature has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
which was not present when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
was opened
in 1920.
Also
, an entrance of the underground car
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
constructed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
previously, there were a glasshouse and seating arrangements.
Furthermore
, the pond for water plants and rose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
garden
on the northeastern corner and the north side
respectively
, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
converted into children's play area and a
'cafe' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "café"
cafe
.
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IELTS academic A public park’s plan before and after renovation

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
177 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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