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the chart below shows the result of a survey what men and women by

the chart below shows the result of a survey what men and women by R0mep
The pie chart below compares the outcomes of a survey conducted between males and females about the reasons behind their happiness. Overall, men and women have different priorities in the terms of what could make them happy in their social life. As the pie chart shows, men have a tendency to be happy by doing the activity with family by under about 40%. On the other hand, man has different accomplishments to be happy which are achievement at work and other factors with the same percentage for both figures by nearly a quarter. Looking at the details, for women, financial security makes up 12%, compared to men accounts for about less than a fifth. Females also give priority to getting the achievement at work with a percentage the same as males, at 25%. Interestingly, there are some achievements that are only the priority for women or vice versa. Women give preference to being a good appearance for over one-tenth while men choose to do their hobbies and successful sports team for 17% and 18%, respectively.
The pie chart below compares the outcomes of a survey conducted between males and females about the reasons behind their happiness.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
priorities in the terms of what could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy in their social life.

As the pie chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
have a tendency to be happy by doing the activity with family by under about 40%.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
accomplishments to be happy which are achievement at work and other factors with the same percentage for both figures by
nearly
a quarter.

Looking at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
, financial security
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
up 12%, compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
accounts for about less than a fifth. Females
also
give priority to getting the achievement at work with a percentage the same as males, at 25%.

Interestingly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
achievements that are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the priority for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
or vice versa.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women
give preference to being a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
appearance for over one-tenth while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
choose to do their hobbies and successful sports team for 17% and 18%,
respectively
.
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IELTS academic the chart below shows the result of a survey what men and women by

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
175 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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