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A glance at the three pie charts compare 5 seasonal expenses of British school during the 3 decades (1981,1991,2001).

A glance at the three pie charts compare 5 seasonal expenses of British school during the 3 decades (1981, 1991, 2001). 11d5W
It is evident that ordinary worker`s salary and teacher`s salary made up almost the same with ups and downs - also the biggest proportion of annual school spending in given years; however, ordinary worker`s salary saw a dramatic decline from 28%(in 1981) to 22%(in 1991) and 15%(in 2001) Roughly 15 % annual spending on resources and furniture stood at the second widely used in 1981. By the following decades, the money used for resources slightly increased to 20% in 1991 and declined to a mere 9% in 2001. Meanwhile, spending on furniture and equipment had a significant drop to 5 %(in 1991) and then in 2001 recorded as a growth of 23%. Also undeniably fact is the from mere 2% of expenses on insurance saw a gradual increase of 3% and 8% in 1991 and 2001 respectively.
It is evident that ordinary
The character between 'worker' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "worker’s" (curly apostrophe) or "worker's" (straight apostrophe).
worker`s
salary and
The character between 'teacher' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "teacher’s" (curly apostrophe) or "teacher's" (straight apostrophe).
teacher`s
salary made up almost the same with ups and downs
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
also
the biggest proportion of annual school spending in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
years;
however
, ordinary
The character between 'worker' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "worker’s" (curly apostrophe) or "worker's" (straight apostrophe).
worker`s
salary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a dramatic decline from 28%(in 1981) to 22%(in 1991) and 15%(in 2001)

Roughly 15 % annual spending on resources and furniture stood at the second
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in 1981. By the following decades, the money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for resources
slightly
increased to 20% in 1991 and declined to a mere 9% in 2001. Meanwhile, spending on furniture and equipment had a significant drop to 5 %(in 1991) and then in 2001 recorded as a growth of 23%.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
undeniably
fact is the
Did you mean "form"?
from
mere 2% of expenses on insurance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual increase of 3% and 8% in 1991 and 2001
respectively
.

IELTS academic A glance at the three pie charts compare 5 seasonal expenses of British school during the 3 decades (1981, 1991, 2001).

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
137 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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