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Describe a person you know that leads a healthy life in your opinion

Describe a person you know that leads a healthy life in your opinion ORRmp
I would like to share with you about Hoa who is keen on yoga in her leisure time to stay healthy. Hoa has been a friend of mine since we were little girls so we have been through thick and thin together. And I am glad that she is living healthily right now. She took up this habit about 2 years ago. At that time, she said that she was up to her ears with study to prepare for her examination so she was a little bit stressed out. Then she thought that doing something energetic could help release some stress, therefore, she decided to have a crack at yoga class. Along with that, she tries to have enough sleep as well as brings more salad to her table. At first, doing this was quite challenging for her because she had led a sedentary lifestyle for a long time. She just sat in front of my computer every day to complete her assignments. But after a few days of suffering from muscle aches, she got used to doing yoga and kept doing it in the evenings. Well, I have to say that this babit has helped her a lot in strengthening her physical health as well as her mental health. Thanks to yoga, she was able to lose her fat belly and get lean. Now, she is quite satisfied with her youthful appearance and trying to maintain it in the future. Also, she suggested that I should take up this hobby because yoga allowed me to blow off some steam from my study, and whenever she did yoga, she felt like her mind was being refreshed. In the future, I am going to join her in order to stay healthy together and maybe I will try some other sports too.
I would like to share with you about
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
who is keen on yoga in her leisure time to stay healthy.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Hoa
has been a friend of mine since we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
girls
so
we have been
through thick and thin
together. And I am glad that she is living
healthily
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

She took up this habit about 2 years ago. At that time, she said that she was up to her ears with study to prepare for her examination
so
she was a
Reduce redundancy by using "little" or "bit".
little bit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
out. Then she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
something energetic could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
release
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
therefore
, she decided to have a crack at yoga
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
. Along with that, she tries to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sleep as
well
as brings more salad to her table.

At
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
this was quite challenging for her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had led a sedentary lifestyle for a long time. She
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sat in front of my computer every day to complete her assignments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
after a few days of suffering from muscle aches, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
yoga and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
it in the evenings.

Well
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
say that this
Possible spelling mistake found.
babit
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her a lot in strengthening her physical health as
well
as her mental health. Thanks to yoga, she was able to lose her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
belly and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lean.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, she is quite satisfied with her youthful appearance and trying to maintain it in the future.
Also
, she suggested that I should take up this hobby
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
yoga
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
me to blow off
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steam from my study, and whenever she did yoga, she felt like her mind was
being refreshed
.

In the future, I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
her in order to stay healthy together and maybe I will try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other sports too.
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IELTS speaking Describe a person you know that leads a healthy life in your opinion

Speaking
  American English
6 paragraphs
300 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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