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your child is going on three day school trip to another country. the head teacher wants to find parents to go with group and you would like to go . say whyyou would like to go suggest what you could do to help during the trip ask the questions about the trip

your child is going on three day school trip to another country. the head teacher wants to find parents to go with group and you would like to go. say whyyou would like to go suggest what you could do to help during the trip ask the questions about the trip DWwo
Dear sir, I am writing this letter in connection with three days trip to USA. My son who is studying in 5th standard in your school also wants to join this trip. Firstly, I really appreciate that your school offer parents to become a member of this trip. I would like to say that I wants to join this trip as my son is not enough mature and he can not take care of himself. Moreover, he has allergy from numerous products so, its not possible for me to prepare a list for you. Apart from this, I have visa of USA and I visited there twice so I have a lot of information related to cities transportation and tourist places. If you will take me along with you it might be helpful for you as well. Lastly, I have a few questions such as who will pay fees for hotel? and Could you tell me name of hotel? How many other students are willing to join this trip? I hope you will give me positive feedback. Yours faithfully, Lily
Dear sir,

I am writing this letter in connection with three days trip
A determiner is probably missing here: "to the USA".
to USA
. My son who is studying in 5th standard in your school
also
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this trip.
Firstly
, I
really
appreciate that your school offer parents to become a member of this trip.

I would like to say that I
The pronoun 'I' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "want"
wants
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this trip as my son is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mature and
he can not take care of himself.
Moreover
, he has allergy from numerous products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, its not possible for me to prepare a list for you.

Apart from this, I have visa
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
and I visited there twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
information related to cities transportation and tourist places. If you
Consider removing 'will'. (Usually, 'will' does not occur in a conditional clause, unless in the sense 'want to' or 'be willing to'.)
will take
me along with
Consider adding a comma here.
you
it might be helpful for you
as well
.

Lastly
, I have a few questions such as who will pay fees for hotel?
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
Could you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
me name of hotel? How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other students are willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
this trip?

I hope you will give me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
feedback.

Yours
faithfully
,

Lily
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IELTS letter your child is going on three day school trip to another country. the head teacher wants to find parents to go with group and you would like to go. say whyyou would like to go suggest what you could do to help during the trip ask the questions about the trip

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
179 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • your child is going on three day school trip to another country. the head teacher wants to find parents to go with group and you would like to go . say whyyou would like to go suggest what you could do to help during the trip ask the questions about the trip