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You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job write a letter to the shop which supplied the equipment

You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job write a letter to the shop which supplied the equipment N82qy
Dear sir, I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction about the laptop, which I purchased from your store two months ago, and it was a black coloured laptop by Dell brand. Last night, I was busy to prepared my presentation on it, on the contrary it suddenly stop working and totally unusable. Besides, it just show black color screen with few red dots. I'm working for multinational company, and I have to submit three projects before the ending of this month. Furthermore, my various essential data retain the laptop. From your side, I just to fix the problem promptly or change this laptop with the other new one; furthermore, transfer all the data on other one. Please pay attention to this matter as your earlier convenience. I look forward hearing from you. Faithfully yours, Maryam
Dear sir,

I am writing this letter to express my dissatisfaction about the laptop, which I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
from your store two months ago, and it was a
Make sure that the adjective 'black' is correct. Possibly, it should be an adverb (typically ~ly) that modifies 'coloured'. Possibly, it should be the first word in a compound adjective (hyphenated adjective). Possibly, it is correct.
black coloured
laptop by Dell brand. Last night, I was busy to prepared my presentation on it,
on the contrary
it
suddenly
Did you mean "stops"?
stop
working and
totally
unusable.
Besides
, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
Did you mean "shows"?
show
black color screen with few red dots.

I'm working for multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
submit three projects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the ending of this month.
Furthermore
, my various essential data retain the laptop.

From your side, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the problem
promptly
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
this laptop with the other new one;
furthermore
, transfer all the data on other one.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Please
pay attention to this matter as your earlier convenience. I look forward hearing from you.

Faithfully
yours,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Maryam
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IELTS letter You work at home and have a problem with a piece of equipment that you use for your job write a letter to the shop which supplied the equipment

Letter
  American English
5 paragraphs
136 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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