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You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v.2

You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v. 2
Dear Mrs Patricia, I, am Anna Ferguson, a senior officer in your New Jersey office. I am writing in regards to a business conference which would take place in New York from 22nd to 26th September on 'Green Entrepreneurship & Management Skills'. I am hoping that you would permit me to attend this conference and give me a chance to better serve my position with the knowledge learned. This conference is being hosted by IPOC, a renowned business research organisation and it would be presided over by some industry experts. I learned about it from an advertisement published on 12 August in the Daily Business People newspaper. The conference would cover different aspects of green business and entrepreneurship, steps to engage in forward-thinking policies for environmental concerns, policies affecting human rights and implementing changes and evaluating progress. As we are planning to comply with the green business policies, I can contribute to that from the theories and ideas learned from the discussion. I would hereby request you to kindly authorize me to attend this convention and oblige thereby. I hope to receive your permission soon. Yours sincerely, Anna Ferguson
Dear Mrs Patricia,

I, am Anna Ferguson, a senior officer in your New Jersey office. I am writing
Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
in regards to
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
which would take place in New York from 22nd to 26th September on 'Green Entrepreneurship & Management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Skills
'.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
am hoping that you would permit me to attend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
and give me a chance to better serve my position with the knowledge learned.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
is
being hosted
by
Possible spelling mistake found.
IPOC
, a renowned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
research
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and it would
be presided
over by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
industry experts. I learned about it from an advertisement published on 12 August in the Daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
newspaper.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
would cover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspects of green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and entrepreneurship, steps to engage in forward-thinking policies for environmental concerns, policies affecting human rights and implementing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and evaluating progress. As we are planning to comply with the green
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
policies, I can contribute to that from the theories and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
learned from the discussion.

I would hereby request you to kindly authorize me to attend this convention and oblige thereby.

I hope to receive your permission
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Yours
sincerely
,

Anna Ferguson
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS letter You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v. 2

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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