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You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v.3

You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v. 3
Dear Mr Billison, I am Charles Pattison, a junior project coordinator at your organisation, writing to seek your permission to attend a helpful business conference organised by Business Flyer, a prominent human resource development company from the UK. The conference, as advertised in the Daily Business Insider, will bring together like-minded young business professionals and focus on steps to make a powerful digital footprint. The newspaper mentioned that it would be a three-day-long discussion and aim to develop the leadership skills of the participants so that they can bring innovation and success in digital marketing. Right after I saw the advertisement, I called the coordinator and he advised to reserve a seat if I am interested. It will continue from 21st to 23rd August, from 8. 00 am to 3. 00 pm. Our company has recently started taking digital marketing seriously and I believe I can contribute more to it if I gather insights from the conference. The discussion topics are quite up-to-date and I believe those are actionable contents based on a sound curriculum. I would request you to allow me to participate in the conference and oblige thereby. Yours sincerely, Charles Pattison
Dear Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Billison
,

I am Charles
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pattison
, a junior project coordinator at your
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
, writing to seek your permission to attend a helpful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
Flyer, a prominent human resource development
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
from the UK.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
, as advertised in the Daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Business
Insider, will bring together like-minded young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
professionals and focus on steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a powerful digital footprint. The newspaper mentioned that it would be a three-day-long discussion and aim to develop the leadership
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the participants
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can bring innovation and success in digital marketing.

Right after I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the advertisement, I called the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
coordinator and
he advised to reserve a seat if I
am interested
. It will continue from 21st to 23rd August, from 8. 00 am to 3. 00 pm.

Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
has recently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
taking digital marketing
seriously
and I believe I can contribute more to it if I gather insights from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
. The discussion topics are quite up-to-date and I believe those are actionable contents based on a sound curriculum.

I would request you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
me to participate in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
conference
and oblige thereby.

Yours
sincerely
,

Charles
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pattison
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS letter You recently saw an advertisement about a business conference that can be helpful for your work. Write a letter to your manager asking permission to attend the conference. v. 3

Letter
  American English
8 paragraphs
193 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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