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You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v.1

You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v. 1
Dear Ahmed, How are you now? I was shocked to hear that you fell off the stairs all of a sudden and have had an injury in your foot. I am feeling very sorry for your condition as it happened right before an important match on Sunday. I wish your quick recovery. I heard from our coach that you are under observation by a team of doctors at Jinnah hospital. One of my relatives works there as a medical practitioner and I will request him to visit you sometime. Do not worry at all as the hospital has an exceptional reputation due to its well-trained staff and modern equipment. However, I would like to know your personal opinion about the way the hospital staff are treating you. Is there anything you want us to do for you? I want to share some exciting news with you. You have been selected in the national football team as a lead striker. In addition to this, our university has announced a full-fee scholarship to acknowledge your efforts in sports. I wish you good health and will visit you soon. Warm wishes, Fahad
Dear Ahmed,

How are you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
? I
was shocked
to hear that you fell off the stairs all of a sudden and have had an injury in your foot. I am feeling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sorry for your condition as it happened right
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
match on Sunday.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
wish your quick recovery.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
heard from our coach that you are under observation by a team of doctors at Jinnah hospital. One of my relatives works there as a medical practitioner and I will request him to visit you sometime. Do not worry at all as the hospital has an exceptional reputation due to its well-trained staff and modern equipment.
However
, I would like to know your personal opinion about the way the hospital staff are treating you. Is there anything you want us to do for you?

I want to share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
 exciting news with you. You have
been selected
in the national football team as a lead striker.
In addition
to this, our university has announced a full-fee scholarship to acknowledge your efforts in sports. I wish you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health and will visit you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

Warm wishes,

Fahad
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS letter You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v. 1

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
187 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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