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You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v.4

You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v. 4
Dear Brian, I hope that you are feeling well and trying to make the best out of the worst situation. I have just heard the news about your accident from our team manager over the phone, and I must say that I was quite shocked to hear the sad news. I would certainly like to ask you about how the accident took place, or what exactly you were doing at the time of the accident, but I guess that I better save the questions for now. Anyway, from what I heard from our team manager, I am assuming that your left leg has signs of some fractures, but you can’t be sure unless an X-ray of your leg is taken. So, what kind of treatment are you receiving at the hospital now? Are you feeling comfortable there? By the way, you will be glad to know that our whole team has finally got the permission to practise swimming in that big swimming pool at the city centre, where you have always wanted to go. I am sure that we will go there sometime once you are recovered. That is all for now. Best wishes, Joseph Crowley
Dear Brian,

I hope that you are feeling well and trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best out of the worst situation. I have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
heard the news about your accident from our team manager over the phone, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
say that I was quite shocked to hear the sad news.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
would
certainly
like to ask you about how the accident took place, or what exactly you were doing at the time of the accident,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I guess that I better save the questions for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. Anyway, from what I heard from our team manager, I am assuming that your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
leg has signs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fractures,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can’t be sure unless an X-ray of your leg
is taken
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, what kind of treatment are you receiving at the hospital
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
? Are you feeling comfortable there?

By the way, you will be glad to know that our whole team has
finally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the permission to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
swimming in that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
swimming pool at the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, where you have always wanted to go. I am sure that we will go there sometime once you
are recovered
.
That is
all for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Best wishes,

Joseph Crowley
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS letter You play sports (e. g. football) for a local team. You recently heard that a player in your team is in a hospital. v. 4

Letter
  American English
6 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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